March!

I dodged a bullet tonight, folks. Okay, maybe not literally, but still. More on that later.

I missed the last schindig. I had my reasons (it's just entirely coincidental that we went and kicked the CUT beehive the month before). As I understand it, things pretty much went to hell without me, which is both depressing and not surprising. But apparently January's still alive? Or Apophis managed to stitch her back together and jump-started her off an old car battery? I dunno.

Anyway, here's a rundown of last night's shenanigans, in case you were lucky enough to miss it.

INTRODUCTIONS:

Jackie: Apparently, one of Weylin's ex-girlfriends or something? Or at least she beat him up once. Father Frank made the crack that he was “pussy whipped.” (And here I didn't know Inquisitor priests could make jokes?) Lady allegedly turns into a tiger, and I really hope I'll never see her do it.

Mr. Scalpel: Dude's a surgeon (and he'll be sure to tell you about it). Cool guy, though. Showed up last month but whatever, I just met him. Also he has super bullets in his gun, which is kinda cool I guess? With any luck I won't be in need in of his services, like...ever.

Hacker Dude: For the record, I was not nearly as clueless as this guy when I first showed up. Seriously. At least I have a thrilling and horrific origin story, as opposed to “I clicked on Lovecraft.exe, and now I am joining the Accord.”

POLITICS

Okay, so, it USED to be, the Accord was set up by semi-autonomous regional councils, all under the “guidance” of the High Council, which, I might add, includes a Dracula.

But now, somebody (probably Dracula) got the great idea to dissolve the regional councils, so now there's a “Parliament” in which each cell has somebody to argue on the internet lists for them to try to decide policy, or something.

So yeah. We talked about this a little bit at the meeting, and held a preliminary vote for who our Parlimentarian (or whatever the term is) would be. I was nominated, but thankfully, not elected, 'cause I really have no idea what I'm talking about and it's really all I can do to deal with you horrible monsters as opposed to more assholes from out of town. As of this moment, Father Frank's in the lead, and more power to him. Brayker will probably make the official announcement thing at...some point. Yeah.

CASE FILES

And, because it's never a quiet evening whenever I hang out with a bunch of werewolves and changelings and paramilitary ghost-zombies or whatever, here's a general breakdown of WTF's going down right now:

THE HEART THIEF

Okay, so apparently Ethan whatshisface, the murderhobo from Lake Charles, went poking around and he found that Craig Singleton (from the Wayngro List) just got whacked (along with his guard dogs and guard...guards).

Various investigations both physical and supernatural showed that this was all the work of The Heart Taker- a dude who came across the Houston Accord's radar back in like 2011? (On a sidenote, do we even have anyone in the cell who was active in the Accord back in 2011? If not, this says rather depressing things about Accordion turnover).

Anyway, the general thought is that the Heart Taker is a Slasher, which is a Thing. So, y'know, Jason Vorhees shit. You'd think he'd stick to chopping up horny teenagers, but apparently that's not the Heart Taker's M.O. No, instead, this is some real Ingmar Bergman shit, in that the Heart Taker challenges you to a game of chess, and if you lose (which happens like 80 percent of the time, dude's really good at Chess), he eats your heart. My guess is that the Heart Taker does this to get your power or soul or something. The good news is, he at least just ate a Servant, so...that kind of helps? Maybe?

MEMORY WIPE

So Michelle and a few other folks mentioned that they...kind of remembered someone, but not really? Like they knew that there was a “someone” who was important, with a phone number and an address and stuff, but looks into said phone numbers and addresses revealed...nothing. Like someone had been just written out of reality. Sounds kind of like a more focused version of Quarantine, maybe? Though if it were a proper Quarantine, there wouldn't be any trace left for us to figure it out. There's probably some more important stuff to note here, but I forgot.

Wait.

Fuck.

FUR ON FANG

So, remember how the local Purist Werewolves and the local Vampires are all mad at each other? Well, it looks like they're going from a proxy war to an actual war. Normally, I wouldn't care, because apparently Purist Werewolves are jerks, and so are Vampires, but there might be a believer or two scattered in on either side, and if they died, that would be bad. They went and had a West Side Story kind of rumble in the zoo anyway last night, which was quick and dirty and we really don't have any idea about besides that. Huh.

AN EYE FOR AN EYE

Michael's dead.

He was that creepy vampire guy in the leather jacket who just hung out in the back of the room. Honestly, I didn't know him that well, but folks said he was pretty useful on 'away team' missions, which means he was good at killing shit. Good on him.

But he's dead now. As apparently, when he was on the way to the big Werewolf vs. Vampire throwdown, Spiers teleported Michael and his car right off of the highway and...well, into somewhere else. Somewhere else where a bunch of CUT cultists killed the shit out of him in some some horrible and painful way.

So yeah, another star on the board. Touching memorial, sure. But...here's the thing. At our little memorial service thing, someone asked “does anyone know Michael's last name?”

Nobody did.

I hope you bastards remember more about me when the time comes.

But let's not be fatalistic, because I've lasted this long with pretty much no idea what I'm doing, so there's that?

…but now I'm getting morbidly curious about this shit that's going down in Redemption in a few weeks.

So yeah. For the record, my last name is Willis.