Normal is relative.

And it's back to normal.

I'm using the term “Normal” really loosely here, given that every few weeks I get together with the Munsters' extended family to fight against horrible otherworldly monsters from another dimension. It's just that this time around I'm hanging out with local monsters as opposed to creatures from all around the world coming together for poorly organized expeditions into time-bubbles. I've re-read that last sentence three or four times now, and it still reads like I just started saying random crazy-people words. And yet, it makes sense.

I hate that it makes sense.

ANYWAY.

So it was a fairly low turnout tonight- I guess most of you horrible monsters were out doing horrible monster things, or something. There was some new dude named Michael or something- he was a friend of Dr. Watts'. He's a wizard, but like a different kind of wizard, I think? He's not a viking, at least.

But, no sooner do I walk into the citadel, I get a call from one of my Sources (I have a lot of those, for the record), letting me know that something weird is going down at this monster movie festival out in Katy. Naturally, I assume the worst, and I ask the gathered bunch: “Hey, anyone want to fight a dinosaur?”

Everybody volunteered.

So we all tool up and head out- and hell, because we were kind of shorthanded, even -I- went out on a fighty away team expedition (not to mention I got the lead to begin with). And, sure enough, there was a goddamn rubber dinosaur monster stomping out of a giant fucking Tear in the middle of a drive-in theater screen.

So we throw down, and we killed the shit out of the movie monster- at which point I should note that I actually pulled my gun and shot the thing and hurt it which proves I'm not totally useless. So we wrap up the brawl, and we close the tear, and that was the most action-y thing I've been part of so far. I mean, usually, I just dig around and come up with a brilliant plan and point some of you psychopaths at the bad guys.

Also, I kind of think that dude Sam, with the cowboy hat, is kind of bullshit. Like, he's a feelings wizard or something. So he was like “You know when you were feeling bad, when there was a giant monster trying to kill you, and a tear in the fabric of reality? I DID THAT.” And then “Oh, and you know when you felt kind of proud of yourself when we killed the monster? I DID THAT TOO.” Seriously, dude's like the Heart-kid from the Planeteers. Feelings are not a superpower.

So we get back to the Citadel, and...well, The Captain wants to talk to us. Yeah, that guy. See, after the shit went down in Redemption, he wound up in our custody. Local matter, that is. So, he laid out just what he did, which was this:

The Captain was from Redemption, TX- so when Redemption got Quarantined, he forgot where he was from, who his family was, and even his name. He went on doing MIB shit for the One World Government or whatever, until a Spirit of Secrets (that's a thing?) showed up and told him where he was really from.

The Captain then procured a Null Zone Generator, and performed a ritual called a Long Walk which allowed him to go into a Quarantine zone. However, the gimmick is, the Null Zone Generator allowed him to create a way OUT of the Quarantine zone, allowing several trapped Accordists (like that Mr. Kent vampire dude) to escape.

Thing was, he fucked it up, which culminated in the whole goddamn country having to go to Redemption TX to fix it (see previous blog entry).

So, the Captain is chilling in an undisclosed location, as we figure out what the hell to do with him. However, here's the thing...we don't know who sent the Secret Spirit to The Captain in the first place. It had to be somebody with some serious goddamn mojo, and it PROBABLY was someone who knew what Quarantine was...which means somebody on the National Council. I never trusted the National Council to begin with, because, you know, THEY HAVE A DRACULA, but nobody listens to New Guy.

We're still trying to figure out what to do with The Captain as he awaits trial in the aforementioned Undisclosed Location.

Once The Captain laid all that out, we sort of milled about for a bit, discussing the matter- until we found out that Luke (that new guy from last month) was now a Demon (dumbass) and he also had a Tear in his Brain. Michelle and Michael the Wizard Inception'd into his head, though, and fixed it, I guess? At least that's what they told me. I have no idea what you Things are doing half the time.

Oh, and January announced that she's leaving us forever. I think it's because the magnets in her head are turned the opposite way from the magnets in Apophis' head, so that makes them repel each other or something. Fucking Frankensteins, how do they work?

But yeah. Just another day of horrible adventure, I guess. I'm sure something worse will come up in may.

Things always get worse.