I should've stayed home last night.
Admittedly, I could say that about any
given time I hang out with you crazy monsters, but last night was
particularly memorable. I had a cold, for one. Dr. Weylin says it's
not this magic cold that's going around, at least, so there's that.
I'll get to that later.
Anyway, since Brayker was running late,
and Barrett's ditched us to shack up with Wayngro (demons, man), this
kinda left me in charge. At least as much as anyone can be in charge
of an Accord Cell. Seriously, it's like herding cats with you people.
And y'know what? I fucked up. See, I
figured we should go after this Lester guy, from The List. But since
he was a ghoul in the employ of The King Vampire or someone else
who's important in Houston, my original idea was to have those
Puritan werewolves do the dirty work for us.
This was a bad plan.
After setting up this long and
convoluted, it turned out that the Puritans and Lester the ghoul-guy
are actually best buds, so those fuckers just tipped Lester off and
then ran away with the bribe we gave them. So, y'know, so much for
that.
We should take this as a lesson, then-
namely, keep it simple. So from here on out, when we set out to whack
a guy, we get to do it ourselves. This should make a lot of you
psychopaths fairly happy.
Anyway, while we were running around in
circles trying to make things work, Apophis went out with the Jacques
and Dr. Weylin and Artemis and probably some other people I'm missing
to go hunt some big statue that was stolen a few days ago. Only, the
statue stole itself, because
it's actually made of alchemy, or something? I don't fucking
understand this shit, you guys. I don't think they got it because
Apophis warned everyone to be on the lookout for an angel-thing, so
yeah.
In any
case, given the colossal failure of the convoluted plan, we geared up
and went for something a little more straightforward. Namely, we were
going to track down Pierce, the guy from Pierce Security, and shoot
him 'til he stopped moving.
So me,
George, Dr. Watts, Mummy Guy, Penny, and Tinker (the grubby dude with
the goggles) tool up to go track this down.
This
was a bad idea.
Well,
here's the thing. The plan was a good one, for it's simplicity. The
problem was I went with them.
I don't know what the hell I was thinking right there because holy
shit I'm a dumbass. I think I've been hanging out with you bastards
too long, so I get to the point where thinking this sort of thing is
'normal.' That, or I somehow decided I needed to 'prove' myself by
going on one of these kill-team missions.
So,
y'know, learning experience. See, the thing is, I'm a halfway decent
shot, but this pales in comparison to the kind of hurt that the
monsters can throw around- or the kind of hurt that the Truth can
throw back at us. Which means I nearly fucking died
back there. See, we got the drop on Pierce and his goons, but then
these two green-army-men toy-abomination things come out of fucking
nowhere, and they shoot me full of unreality-bullets, and the next
thing I know I'm on the ground and there's Dr. Watts' giant
ghost-viking-horse spitting lightning at me to make me not-die. Or
maybe I did die, and
now my own personal hell means I have to deal with You People for all
eternity, because that's a fitting punishment. Then again, I doubt
hell has beer or wi-fi connectivity, and I've got both, so I think
I'm ok.
I
guess I filled a valuable part of the plan by soaking up all the
horrible painful hurting that otherwise would have hit the actual
fighty people. Anyway, we shoot the place up, kill Pierce, kill his
goons (Penny did his thing on that- seriously, dude's kind of creepy
with a knife. I think it's because he's half-vampire), and kill the
abominations. And, sure enough, there's a tear there. Dr. Watts sizes
it up, and he's like “Pessimism will close this tear!”
I say,
“done.”
I
guess there was a reason I went on that mission after all. Seriously,
I'm like the 'Heart' kid from Captain Planet, only I'm running on
booze and cynicism.
So,
that happened. We grabbed some shiny things on the way out (Penny got
a laptop, so the technically minded can mine that for intel) and ran
the fuck away before the cops could show up.
Speaking
of the police, they're probably gonna be pretty busy, given the fact
the gang war between the Purist Werewolves and the Vampires is
heating up, courtesy of the hardware vampire bitch-lady Cassandra is
stockpiling. Seriously, my sources are telling me they're digging
silver bullets out of the walls in a lot of these gang-shootout
scenes.
Meanwhile,
while I'm off getting shot and hating everything, a bunch of other
folks went and checked out that magic flu (which, I might add, I
don't have), and apparently they discovered it's all in people's
heads. In that, they think
they're sick, which makes them sick, because of spirit magic
bullshit. This also turns them into spy cameras for...somebody. We
don't know yet. This is still being worked on. This is probably the
expedition I should
have gone on, but then again I don't know how well I could've
contributed because I don't know how magic bullshit works. Would've
beaten gotten shot, at least.
So
yeah. Another name off The List. That's kind of productive. We're
working on other stuff- George is still gearing up for his
fancy-pants party to get his hooks into some of the City Councilmen
who're on The List. Also, David Pine's a capital-s Servant now...but
this is kind of good, because Miss Tomorrow has a back-door into his
dream-brain, or...something.
I also
hear Miss T is going into the Hedge to sell buttons. Don't go with
her.
Anyway,
I'm still trying to throw this cold, so I'm gonna go pound a couple
of screwdrivers. Vitamin C and vodka are both essential, you know.
See
you in September, you horrible monsters.
