Sunday, July 27, 2014

Happy Anniversary! Everything is still horrible.

A year ago, I learned about the Truth. And that's when someone gave me an anonymous address, and said “go here, and you'll get your answers.”

I'm still regretting it.

Because seriously, a year ago, I remained blissfully unaware about vampires and werewolves and Frankensteins and ghost zombies and whatever the shit else is out there. And, of course, the Truth. And so since then my life has pretty much been a first-hand crash course in learning about crazy ass supernatural shit that shouldn't exist in the first place.

I'm pretty sure I've learned at least enough to drive me crazy at this point, if it weren't for the booze. In fact, I think that's why everyone goes mad at the end of a Lovecraft story; they didn't have enough liquor to deal with all the otherworldly squids, or something. This is why I made sure the Citadel bar stays stocked.

But you know what the worst part of this is?

After a year, I'm a fucking veteran.

See, Brayker had MIB shit to do last night, and Apophis was down in whatever creepy hole he lives in...and so you know what happened?

THEY PUT ME IN CHARGE.

How fucked up is that? Unless it was some sick joke someone came up with, which wouldn't surprise me because, y'know, monsters.

But y'know what? Fuck all of you hater-ass monsters, sneering at the “puny mortal,” with his lack of superpowers and general squishiness. Because I actually did a halfway decent job of Cell Leader-ing, dammit. I mean, nobody died. Well, none of our people died, so that's a start, right?

To be fair, Barrett was pretty invaluable, as he and I were kind of, like, co-leaders. He did the “war leader,” thing (and did a pretty good job of it, I might add), while I was left to the less-killy shit.

So, here's what we accomplished on the 26th:

OPERATION: KILL A NINJA

So, Artemis, that witchy-lady who showed up a few months ago, managed to pull some info on one of the dudes on the most recent Wayngro list. That Lance guy, of the Adamantium Arrow or whatever. According (har har) to Artemis, the Adamantium Wizards are a bunch of militant assholes who like to fight everyone. And Lance was their go-to hitman kind of dude, who only leaves his wizard castle when it's time to go beat someone up.

Also, he was a ninja. Because that's a thing.

So, after a bit of deliberating, a plan was hatched in which Artemis would piss the Adamantium Ninja Wizards off by spying on them with her magic, at which point they'd tool up to go kick her ass- which would lead them into an ambush at Dr. Watts' theater. Dr. Watts', Ethan Little, Dr. Watts' buddy Rick, Barrett, that new Frankenstein dude, and probably one or two other folks who I missed went off, fought the ninjas, and wrapped things up pretty well. So good on them.

I'd particularly like to commend team Kill a Ninja for their restraint- see, Lance was the only Servant amongst the lot- he had a couple of goons who didn't know the first thing about the Truth, so they got to live to see another day (most of them, at least).

I hate fucking around with supernatural politics, since I have no idea what's going on with them most of the time.

Meanwhile, I stayed at the citadel, along with a handful of the less-fighty people. We got a pair of Changeling recruits- a dude named Tinker, who's twitchy-crazy, and a lady named Evanescence or something, who's quiet-crazy. Welcome them aboard, everyone.

Of course, not content to just sit around, we proceeded to set out for a TOP SECRET NO QUESTIONS ASKED CONFIDENTIAL SECRECY MISSION.

Seriously, don't ask.

While I'm not at liberty to give the details, I'll just have you all know this was a mission of deception and infiltration, with masks and disguises and bribes and everything. Like James Bond, only shittier.

What I will reveal is what I learned: namely, there's a vampire-lady named Cassandra who's apparently stockpiling weapons and heavy-duty specialized ammo (like, fire bullets hollowpoints and stuff). I've got the feeling she's working for Shabetta and the other vampire assholes- probably tooling up to do something big against the Puritan werewolves. Or something. Somebody get Penny on this, 'cause he's our go-to vampire intel guy.

So those were the two main 'missions' we had- though there's still a bunch of other shit to worry about. A quick breakdown:

THE LIST
Go read the previous blog entry, and look at those names. See if you can dig up some dirt on those people. Find out where they live, their schedules, their vices, whatever. Anything we know can be useful.

OPERATION: HOITY TOITY FANCY PANTS

Tangentially related to The List, one of our guys, George, is going to put together some fancy-ass social schindig to see if he can pull any dirt on the CUT members- or if nothing else, it'll get some of them in one place at one time, and we can make use of that. So if that's something you'd be able to help with, let George know, and we can get the ball rolling on that.

TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH
So I've heard some reports of some kind of unseasonal summer cold going around...only it's not a cold, it's more of a nose-bleedy...thing without any proper explanation. From the little info I was able to gather, there wasn't any real set pattern to it, and it's not deadly, so...that's something? Still, if somebody who has crazy ass magic powers can look into it, just to be safe, that'd be great. Like, could it be some kind of disease-spirit or demon or something? Is that a thing?

(For the record, the fact that I think of these questions now means I've gone a little bit nuts, I think. I need another beer).

Anyway, that's about all I've got right now. Really, I'm in a surprisingly good mood, all things considered. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still pretty much terrified of you people, not to mention how okay I am with thinking about things in terms of spirits and magic and wizards and shit.


But hey, it only took one drink this time to make my hands stop shaking, so that's something, right?

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Na na na na na na na na ABOMINATION!


I'm kind of getting the hang of this. You know, get together with a bunch of terrible monsters, fight against a horrible death-cult conspiracy thing, and then blog about it a day or two later. How fucked up is that?

It helps (so much as these sort of things can be helped) that things are running...semi smoothly. I attribute this to a pretty simple rule- I don't know if it's official yet, but damn if it shouldn't be, because things are working. But yeah, the rule is as follows:

DON'T DO SHIT IF YOU DON'T HAVE A PLAN.

That simple.

See, earlier in the evening, Mummy Guy was all like 'Let's go kill Spiers!' At which point I noted 'Hey, the last time we went up and knocked on his door, he just teleported the hit squad away and then killed one of us for kicks, because he is a fucking 110 RQ brain wizard.'

Knocking on Spiers' door is a bad plan.

So either due to my veteran wisdom, or something, disaster was averted. Don't get me wrong, I want Spiers as dead as the next guy, but it's gonna take some doing.

That's not to say we can't get shit done, however! As Ethan and some of his zombie ghost buddies and Jacques and Barrett and probably a bunch of other people I'm forgetting (don't blame me, I wasn't there) went after Detective Keller- who we all learned was a fire ghost changeling thing last month. However, as they went after Keller, a Tear opened- at which point they ran into Batman and Robin.

No, really.

I...kind of wish I'd been there, maybe? Not really, as Abominations terrify me (as most everything does), but still. Batman and Robin. 1960's version, because of course it was. From what I heard, people got BIFF'd and POW'd and otherwise knocked around until they were able to tear the Bat-abominations apart.

That's yet another old-timey pop culture Abomination we've had to deal with- thus far, we've fought The Lone Ranger & Tanto, a Redshirt from Star Trek, a stop motion animated dinosaur, and now Batman & Robin. I'm kicking around a few theories about this right now, but honestly it's probably some other whack-ass thing I've never heard of like TV gremlins or some shit. Somebody's probably going to fight Evil Mr. Ed next, or something. So if a talking horse tries to kill you, let me know.

So yeah. I wasn't at the Abomination-fight, as Cora and Dr. Jones and Michelle and I wound up doing some investigating on that dude who got stabbed up at NASA. See, that dude was apparently a Changeling watching over it, or something- and Wayngro wanted him out of the way.

I had THOUGHT Barrett had taken care of this last month, but I was wrong. See, Barrett had the bright idea of taunting Wayngro and trying to fuck him over out of the deal, so Wayngro took matters into his own hands and murdered the NASA dude- and he made sure to frame Barrett for it. OOPS.

Yeah.

Thankfully, that shit's handled now- but, to make the local changelings happy, we had to get a changeling of our own as a co-caretaker or something. Seeing as of how we only had the one changeling handy, this fell on Michelle. It's all in an expansive, 'signed in blood' kind of contract, because, you know, demons.

Funnily enough, I'm kind of cool with this (at least since I wasn't the one who had to sign the contract). Wayngro may be a fucked up demon creature, but from everything I've seen so far, the dude's on the level. Sure, he's not a member of the Accord, but he knows about the Truth, and he hates and fears them as much as we do. It's just that it's in his nature to be a greedy bastard (because, you know, demon) so he's gonna work the angles. According to him, his goal is to take control of all these power-places in town so he can open a gateway to hell so he can go back home, and run away from the truth. The thing is, I get the feeling he doesn't completely know what the fuck he's doing so here's to hoping he doesn't drag the entire damned city into hell with him. Houston's hot enough as is.

What I'm trying to say, really, is DON'T FUCK WITH WAYNGRO. He's dangerous, of course, but he can also get us legit intel, which is something we can definitely use. Case in point, here's the current list of CUT bad guys we need to worry about:

1) The Reverend Damian Rominati, head of the local CUT.
2) Christopher Spiers, chief assistant to Rominati.
3) Miriam MacDonald, City Councilman.
4) Melissa Redding, City Councilman.
5) Mr. Lester Rothstein, ghoul in the employ of Alder Stentorius
6) Patrick Pierce, a former Marine and head of Pierce Protection.
7) Lieutenant Christopher Keller, newly appointed head of Arson. (DEAD)
8) David Pine, Board member and majority share-holder of Pine Pharmaceuticals.
9) Lance, Obrimos Mage of the Adamantine Arrow

I don't know what an Adamantine Arrow mage is, but it sounds bad.

But yeah, general orders are, go out and pull info on these guys as best you can, be it by digging up records or bribing people or looking into a crystal ball or whatever the fuck it is you can do. With any luck, we'll know enough to get a Plan together by the end of July.


Which is when the Evil Talking Horse will show up, and everything will go to shit, I'm guessing.